tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991681586811138369.post2323449888250335560..comments2021-02-19T19:34:07.047-08:00Comments on Complex PTSD: Healing and Beyond: Parental Alcoholism, Parental Mental Illness, and Shame: Three Threads In the Tightly-Woven Tapestry of Complex PTSDJean Fairgrievehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04568249679803641518noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991681586811138369.post-76086879198577783652014-06-25T11:54:17.532-07:002014-06-25T11:54:17.532-07:00Thank you for clarifying your comment. And I agre...Thank you for clarifying your comment. And I agree totally that one should not judge a person by obvious behavior. I believe my father was probably drinking to gain some peace from the mental illness he was diagnosed with near the end of his life. Nobody, including my father, knew that he was mentally ill, and in those days--the 30s, 40s, and 50s--getting psychiatric help usually put paid to any chance to retain a job, especially in a small town such as Longview, Washington. Being mentally ill was something to be ashamed of, and nobody wanted a diagnosis or treatment then. Why did my mother drink? Who knows. She was basically selfish and self-centered, and I expect that having to deal with my father put a lot of stress on her, so she may have found that alcohol was a means of relief. When he finally did go for mental health help, my father began to change, but my mother did not. By the time my father died at age 52, he seemed to enjoy his life more and drank less. When my mother died at age 81, she was vile-tempered and maintained a full glass of whiskey from the time she awoke until she went to bed at night. All I can legitimately address is their observable behavior and its impact on my life when I was a child. As it was, I decided when I was about 8 that whatever life I had was up to me to shape and that my parents were dependable for providing food, shelter, and clothing but nothing more. After listening to other children of alcoholics, I can see that I was really pretty lucky in being able to depend on them for that much. Count my blessings! Jean Fairgrievehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04568249679803641518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991681586811138369.post-50611152938077304532014-06-25T11:24:47.839-07:002014-06-25T11:24:47.839-07:00I apologize for the confusion. What I meant was th...I apologize for the confusion. What I meant was that people in general should take care not to judge others based on initial impressions, as that might mean over-simplifying the being of another person into a basic notion that may or may not be the product of a singular experience or a series of experiences altogether. Overbearing shame and lack of self-esteem, for example, are traits that some people are quick to dismiss as mere character flaws, not understanding that there are underlying factors that can drive these traits to become deeply rooted into the character of a person over time.<br /><br />The charge of facing one’s demons is a daunting proposition, and as you admire your father for being able to face his, I admire you for having the courage to face yours. I wish you well in your journey towards healing.Scott McKinneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13400796819794145196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991681586811138369.post-35671137079626391732014-06-18T15:53:13.054-07:002014-06-18T15:53:13.054-07:00Please clarify your comment. It appears that you ...Please clarify your comment. It appears that you feel I am judging my father unfairly. In fact, I lived with him for eighteen years, was the object of his violent behavior, watched him drink, connected the drinking with the behavior--he WAS an alcoholic. He WAS mentally ill. He DID abuse me. That is all fact, and is not simply my judgment. Jean Fairgrievehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04568249679803641518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991681586811138369.post-3700266436982353782014-06-18T12:53:56.301-07:002014-06-18T12:53:56.301-07:00I can understand why you felt that way, Jean. It’s...I can understand why you felt that way, Jean. It’s really hard to appear confident, knowing that it wasn’t molded and shaped within the home. And it takes a lot of understanding to know the reason why a person does something. We each have a story to tell, so it's not good to judge someone with a fleeting impression that you may have had.<br /><br /><a href="http://instforaddictmo.wordpress.com/2014/05/04/on-rehab-for-hashish-addiction/" rel="nofollow">Scott McKinney @ Midwest Institute for Addiction</a><br />Scott McKinneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13400796819794145196noreply@blogger.com