Taking That First Step Toward Healing

Today I found a search phrase that I have never seen on my statistics page before: "hate my life complex-ptsd." 

I will address this search term as well as I can, considering that I am not a mental health professional but merely a retired community college remedial writing instructor who happens to be afflicted with C-PTSD.  However, having the disorder and having about six years of good-quality therapy behind me probably give me some credibility.  You will have your own opinion on that, I'm sure.  I will take the liberty in this post of using the feminine pronouns so that I don't get stuck in the mire of he/she, him/her, etc. 

Taking That First Step Toward Healing

From this search phrase, I can only guess that the searcher is trying to find out how to NOT hate her life, and her life is complicated by C-PTSD.  She does not like having C-PTSD and the accompanying nasty symptoms and psychic discomfort that go along with the problem.  This is just my guess as to the meaning behind the searcher's words.

I can understand very well why somebody with C-PTSD might hate the life she has.  C-PTSD takes a lot of enjoyment from life because the problem makes life a lot more difficult and more stressful than it would be otherwise.  C-PTSD affects one's behavior negatively, for one thing.  Sometimes, no matter how aware one is and how hard one works to respond "normally" in a social situation, something happens that will trigger a PTSD response, and the person with C-PTSD will respond inappropriately and cause hurt to somebody else and extreme misery to herself. 

For example, about fifteen years ago I stayed after church one Sunday morning for the coffee hour.  I was relaxed and was talking to another woman when the husband of a very dear friend came up behind me and put his hand on  my shoulder.  I "forgot myself" and cursed at him loudly and angrily.  His unexpected touch triggered my PTSD before I could think, and I was right back in my memory of being the victim of my former husband's controlling and abusive touches.  Of course, I apologized profusely that day in church, but as they say, "life was never the same again."  So, yes, I understand why the searcher might hate her life if she has C-PTSD.  At that moment, I certainly did not like my life very much!

So, what to do?  Well, based on my own experience, what I can say is that avoiding social situations is not the way to cure the problem.  After the coffee-hour incident, that's what I did, and I missed a lot of good times.  Now, however, after working for a couple of years with a therapist skilled in helping people with C-PTSD heal, I don't have those times when I respond inappropriately in a social situation.  For one thing, I am more aware now of the triggers, and I am better able to keep myself in the present moment and not slip unawares back into the pit of trauma memories.  Being aware and being in the present moment makes a huge difference in the quality of my life!

To return to the search term "hate my life complex ptsd," I can honestly say that my life is a whole lot more enjoyable since I've been able to ride public transportation and be in large gatherings without experiencing flashbacks and the other symptoms I experienced for most of my life.  The more I experience healing, the more I enjoy my life.  It's that simple--but it's NOT simple!  We know that.  Healing takes a huge commitment of energy, time, and money.  But the payoff is worth it! 

So--what can you do if you hate living with C-PTSD?  As I've said many, many times, C-PTSD is one of the mental health issues that can be healed, often without medication.  If you hate your life WITH this problem, then minimize the problem and you will find that you most likely will NOT hate your life.  Healing will make a huge difference in your outlook on life.  But healing takes effort, and making the effort requires being motivated to do so. 

Are you angry enough at the people who laid the C-PTSD trip on you to make the effort to begin healing?  Well, when you get fed up enough with the miserable symptoms of PTSD and become angry enough at the people who abused you and otherwise caused the C-PTSD to build up, then you will very possibly be motivated to take the first step toward healing.  Of course, you could also take my word and the words of others, believe that you can heal, find a competent and skilled therapist, and take those first steps without waiting until you become desperate. 

Remember: If you start healing now, you will have more life to live without the "downer" of C-PTSD. 

Take that first step . . .