Several readers yesterday found their ways to my blog by using the search term "childhood abuse and domestic violence." If you are interested in this topic, you may find useful information on my web site: http://www.jfairgrieve.com/ See the page titled "From Abuse to Trauma." Other pages on this site may also contain helpful information.
My stat page also shows that a number of people in the past several months have been interested in the connection between being a victim of child abuse and being a victim of domestic abuse/spousal abuse. I plan to write a post on this topic. Since I am not a mental health expert, a therapist, I can only write from my own experience. However, according to my present therapist and to a few retired therapist friends I have, my experience is fairly typical. Using my own experience as an example, then, I will attempt to give a clear picture of the dynamics of abuse and domestic violence and demonstrate how a person can be in a d.v. situation without really being fully aware of the true nature of the situation.
What the above paragraph boils down to is this: Today I look back on my twenty-year marriage and ask myself, "How could I not have seen what was going on? Why did I tolerate the situation? My brain must have been asleep!" The truth is that my brain WAS asleep in its own kind of sleep. Why? How? I'll try to answer those questions as well as I can. In the meantime, I have learned that feeling guilty and blaming myself do no good whatsoever!
Here is a Scottish saying that might be applied to my twenty-year marriage:
Ae scone o' that
baking's enough. (One scone from that batch is enough!)
In other words, I have never regretted remaining single after my divorce in 1983! ; )
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